The World Speaks...And There Is No Immediate Response.

Hello to all of my readers in Taiwan, Russia, and Belgium!

Yes, you read that correctly ~ according to my stats, I'm multinational! Not bad for a guy who hasn't traveled further than 30 miles beyond his house in the past month.

Since I don't know anyone in those parts of the globe, I'm guessing the reason for these page views is due to the fact that my blog was added to StumbleUpon. For those of you who never heard of it, StumbleUpon is a discovery engine that searches, and recommends, random web content for users, based on their marked preferences. If you've never used it, I highly suggest you give it a try. You could literally lose yourself for hours bouncing from page to page.

Okay, commercial over. I'll keep an eye out for that endorsement check.

It's been over a week since my last entry, and for that, I apologize. I never promised that I'd write every day, but there was an implication that I wouldn't allow huge gaps between new posts. Let's see if I can make up for that today.

So, what do you want to talk about?

...

I know. What about silent pauses? That seems contextually appropriate.

Chances are, you're a person who feels uncomfortable during pauses. Most people are. But unless you're on a talk show and have an abundant supply of pre-written index cards, lapses in conversation are bound to happen. (Okay, that's not entirely true. The world does have it's share of blowhard narcissists who never stop talking about themselves long enough for there to be a pause in conversation. If you know someone like this, let's toss them from the equation, since they're not the subject I'm trying to address. However, if you claim to NOT know someone like this, at the risk of sounding like a Jeff Foxworthy joke, you just might be a blowhard narcissist. And if that's the case, feel free to leave a reply in the comment section. Just don't be upset if everyone scrolls past it.)

Some think of themselves as the person who tries to fill the breaks, while others consider themselves the type who stay silent and hope someone else does all the heavy lifting. And talking. Either way, these occasions are awkward, frustrating, and hazardous to navigate. But why?

The reason silences cause so much anxiety is because they get us thinking. And based on our ridiculous thought processes, you might conclude that thinking is an activity us humans should avoid at all costs.

Long pauses during our interactions with others lead us to moments of personal introspection that we would not normally entertain. They compel us to question our intelligence. They force us to ponder our personality. Most of the time silently, but some times verbally.

"I am so stupid," you mutter aloud. "And really not very interesting."

Your friend takes this in for a moment, before finally speaking. "Huh? You say something?"

What fascinates me the most about this is, why do we always jump to the immediate conclusion that it's us? A two-person conversation is a two-person exercise, (at least, it should be), so why can't it ever be their fault? Why don't we ever think to ourselves:

"Damn, this person is stupid. And really not interesting." (By the way, saying this out loud is a guaranteed catalyst to break the silence. Just in case you were looking for a quick fix.)

Does this in fact, subtly confirm a form or our own narcissism? That by filling every empty space with dialogue, we are attempting to prove to ourselves, and others, that we are indeed smart and interesting?

Or, does it uncover our deep-seated fears that maybe, just maybe, the reason this person isn't talking to me is because they don't really like me? Does anybody truly like me, or is it all a big charade? Oh my god, I have to say something, because if this quiet lasts any longer, it's going to make them realize just how shallow I really am. Holy shit. What if the entire world finds out? Thanks to StumbleUpon, there's a few people in Russia and Taiwan who already know. What if they start talking?

So you search your brain for any bit of pointless information ~ do Alaskans like purple? What else smells like a balloon? ~ it doesn't matter what. Speaking must occur. Which is why we have the cliched fallbacks of "How about this weather?" and "See the game over the weekend?". But those are such patently obvious proxies for real conversation, that once uttered, you wish you had remained silent.

How we react to pauses, and waiting in general, (see my previous entry on this subject), says more about us than we're willing to admit. We don't blame the other party for not being smart enough to hold up the conversation because we'd rather use these moments as a screen onto which we project our neuroses.

If you think someone hates you, or is mad at you, that's why they're not talking.

If you suspect that you aren't as intelligent as the other person, (and dammit, there's a word for that particular condition that's on the tip of my tongue. I'm sure he knows what the word is, but if I ask, I'll really seem stupid), that's your answer right there.

We desire to be liked so much, that other people's opinions of us, whether actual or perceived, often times become our own opinions of ourselves. We then drive ourselves wacky trying to disprove or correct these criticisms, when most of the time, there was never a problem to begin with. But don't get me wrong, I'm not insinuating that there is never a problem, because there can very well be one, and when that's the case, it should never be overlooked. What I've discovered though, is if someone has a real problem with you, you'll know it. Of course, they seldom come right out and say it, so you'll have these long periods of uncomfortable silence that only gets worse if you try to talk. 

Didn't I say it was difficult to navigate?

If by now you realized that this post is meant to be a rationalization for why I haven't written in so long, congratulations, you are the winner. Winner of what, I'm not saying. But don't take it personally. This isn't your problem. I think it might have something to do with the weather. Kinda been weird lately, hasn't it? What are the temperatures like over there in Russia?