I'm Just Bloggin'...

I'm really not a complainer.

Regardless of what my wife, kids, friends, family members, or that guy I talked to for three minutes in the grocery store checkout line yesterday, might tell you. But there is something I want to get off my chest. And out of my head and ears. So, get ready, I'm about to complain.

Everybody has a phrase that sets them off. A combination of words, that once uttered, immediately generates a quick and negative response in the listener.

It could even be one word, or as simple as a solitary sound. I know people who become physically agitated over the repeated use of "um". If they um, hear a person who um, continually leans on the crutch of um while um, giving a speech, they clench up, as if reaching into the television and smacking the um out of the violator were a feasible option.

I am not that person. Ums don't necessarily bother me. I find them amusing, treating them more as a drinking game than as a reason to visit your local Anger Management branch office.

My daughter has a couple examples that give her fits. One is when people exchange the "d" for a "b" in the word supposedly. "Supposebly". The other follows along the lines of Um Factor ~ she despises when people unnecessarily use the word like.

It's like, the best place in the world! 

"Do you mean that it IS the best place in the world, or it's merely SIMILAR to the best place in the world? And if you mean that it's not the best place in the world, then what is the best place in the world that you're comparing this one to? Please, tell me. I may want to visit!"

I, myself, am guilty of tossing out a few likes every now and then. Not trying to suggest that it makes it right simply because of my usage, I'm merely pointing out why I'm not as bothered by it as others.

Which brings me to what has been bothering me lately.

"I'm just saying..."

Yes. You are. Thank you for pointing that out.


Idioms constantly fall in and out of fashion ~ an odd twist of a phrase from a television show might be quoted the next morning at the water cooler for a laugh, then repeated throughout the day, multiple times, by multiple people at multiple water coolers, (actual and virtual), all in hope of trying to recapture or remember that initial moment of laughter. Within hours, the phrase has become a meme, quickly wearing out its welcome on YouTube.

Then there are those people who repeat a phrase for no other reason than to appropriate it for themselves. To overcompensate for the sad fact that they have no personality of their own, and desperately needing something to fill those empty minutes when they are forced to relate to other people (see my previous entry regarding awkward silences). How many people knew a guy at work or school who's schtick was walking up to women and sneering, "How YOU doin'?" Thanks, Friends.

And then there's just lazy and stupid. In my estimation, that is the category where "I'm just saying..." is filed.

I cannot describe how much that infuriates me, but don't worry, I will give it a good try.

As far as I can tell, that egregious phrase was introduced to the public by comedian Paul Reiser back in the 90's. He would tack on said catchphrase to the end of a comical statement, implying that the comment was not made as a judgment or criticism, but merely an observation.

"You're fat. I'm just sayin'." (Not a Paul Reiser joke. Only an example to prove my point.)

Think of it as the bookend to "No offense, but..." or, "Don't take this the wrong way, but...".

It was humorous when Reiser said it because it was part of the joke. His onstage persona would make fun of someone, then, almost as an afterthought, quickly gloss over his indiscreet remark by insinuating that he wasn't  trying to disparage his target in any way ~ no, not at all! ~ he was "just sayin'..." It was an off-handed topper to the punchline, a designed gimmick employed to convince his audience that he's not really a bad guy ~ he's just pointing out the obvious.

I found it amusing when Reiser used it. My problem with the phrase now is that the intent seems to have changed. Rather than bothering to craft a joke, people feel free to hurl insults, and as long as they tag "I'm just sayin'..." to the end of it, like that somehow makes it acceptable.

It not only acts as a lazy and ineffective cover for all manner of derision, but it also ends up mocking you.

"You're fat. I'm just saying..."

Translation: "Hey, in case you didn't realize it, you're fat. In fact, it's so obvious that you're fat, I'm not even going to bother wasting my time to find a clever was to say it, so I'm just going to say it, because it's so damn noticeable."

Some offenders have become so frigging lazy about it, that they skip speaking the setup themselves, and add the punchline to someone else's statement.

"Damn, he's fat."
"I'm just sayin..."

Are we really that lazy as a society, that we can't even try to be clever anymore? It's like the old Jerry Seinfeld joke about seeing someone walking around in public, wearing sweatpants: "Did you just give up?"

I don't like bringing up subjects like this because it sounds too much like the Old Man And The Lawn Syndrome, but sometimes we have to fight the urge to remain silent for the purposes of a greater cause ~ to convince people to try harder. Use their brain power. And goddamn it, get their own catchphrases!

I know being funny is important to you, and trust me, I realize how hard it can be. But just like how growing a porn star mustache doesn't automatically make you a porn star, stealing material and using it in a half-assed manner does not automatically make you funny. At best, it only reminds the listener or the reader of how funny the original person is who delivered the line. At worst, it reminds the listener or reader of how unfunny you are.

This all may seem harsh, but, no offense, you need to stop. It's annoying. I'm just saying.