BOTHERED BY THINGS
Things bother me. Quite
a few things; I’m not ashamed to say. Sometimes the same things. Other times,
other things. The key to me is how you manage those things. To not let the
wrong things bother you. Which is why they are organized into three categories
for your convenience ~ Little Things, Medium Things, and Big Things. There may
be some overlap, and not every person’s categories may contain all the same
things, but in general terms, we have Little, Medium, and Big.
Let’s start with Medium
Things. Over the course of our lives, we become conditioned to the medium
things. Those are the things we more or less expect to happen. It’s the nature
of life, and it’s such a simple concept to grasp, yet there are still so many
people who are perpetually surprised by Medium Things. Which could become a Big
Thing. A big unnecessary thing. What did you think would happen in life?
Nothing medium? Nope. Sorry. Life is
populated with Medium Things. Get used to it, because the quicker you do, the
simpler your life will become. For example, there might be a time in your life when you
drive three hours to a hotel for a weekend getaway, and realize once you arrive
that you forgot your suitcase. It’s not a Little Thing, but it’s not really a Big
Thing, either. You might get a cold sore the afternoon of a blind date. Again, not a
Little Thing, not a Big Thing. Medium Thing. Now, getting a cold sore the
afternoon of your wedding ~ that’s a Big Thing. You ran out of gas? Everyone
runs out of gas at one time of another. That’s a Little Thing. You ran out of
gas and your cell phone battery’s dying? That’s a Medium Thing. You ran out of
gas, your cell phone battery is dying, and your pregnant wife is giving birth
in the backseat? That’s a Big Thing. And if she has a cold sore…
Our lives are programmed
for the possibility of Medium Things. Which is why we buy insurance. Car
insurance. Homeowner’s insurance. Renter’s insurance. Life insurance. It’s why
we join Triple A. And why we make sure our cell phone batteries are charged. So
when Medium Things do present themselves to us, we as adults are able to
confront them and say, “I was ready for you. Here is my credit card number.
(PAUSE) Yes, I can hold.” Which is usually a small thing. Unless the hold music
is bad, or there’s a sales pitch repeated every fifteen seconds. Then, well,
that’s where things shift. Fun fact: There’s a Venn diagram of Medium and Big.
Which circle the Thing settles in is very often dependent on the background music.
Medium Things are normal,
non-life-threatening, run-of-the-mill, things. We’re not happy about them, but
we accept that they are inescapable, if from nothing other than a statistical
standpoint.
The Big Things now, they
throw us. People like to convince themselves that they’re ready for the Big
Things, but no one ever is. War. Death. Disease. House burning down. I know
what you’re going to say: “House burning
down? But we have insurance, so wouldn’t that be a Medium Thing?” No.
Because everything you owned is now smoldering ash. You have no clothes. No
food. No computers. Nowhere to sleep. And your dog’s two front legs need to be
amputated. Do you really think that’s a Medium Thing? Sure, there will be
reimbursement ~ for you, not the dog ~ but even that’s not guaranteed. The
insurance company could decide it was an act of god. And I can tell you from
experience ~ they don’t care if you’re an atheist. Argue all you want, but when
it comes to your policy, the insurance company is a fundamentalist Christian,
and are the subservient Stepford wife that they will abuse and control whenever they want.
In comparison to the other
two, Little Things seem like nothing. But that’s how they get you. Big Things
shock us. They make us pause and reevaluate. But Little Things. Little Things are annoying. They
don’t shock us, they piss us off. Big Things send us to doctors and therapists.
Little Things send us to liquor stores. Little Things are like trick or
treaters. They arrive in waves. And there’s always more than one. Just when you
close the door and walk toward the couch, three more of them are ringing the
bell. Sure, you could leave the bowl out, but you know some little shit is
going to dump it all in his bag. Then other kids who come by later are going to
think you were too cheap to leave enough for everyone, so they egg your house.
You have to take care of each Little Thing as they happen. It’s not like debt ~
you can’t consolidate all of your Little Things into one Medium Thing to take
care of later. It’s a linear progression. You’re running out of the house, but
you can’t find your keys? Well, you have to find them. Now you’re ten minutes
late for your regular train? Okay, no big deal. Call the office and let them
know. You grab your phone, but it starts ringing? You better answer that first.
“Hello? Hey, Ted. I just got hit by a bunch of Little Things, and I’m kind of
in a hurry. You’re out of gas? Where are you? Is that a baby crying? Hello?
Hello? His phone went dead. I wonder why he hung up? Oh, well. He’ll call back
if it was anything big.”
It's all about how you manage them. Which sounds like a little thing, but it's not.
